For many, the Trump impeachment trial is an opportunity for the President to receive his just desserts. But Senate majority leader and bloodless ghoul Mitch McConnell has made it all too clear that he intends to lead the Republican voting block in a coordinated effort to shut down proceedings as quickly as possible and let the President get back to the important business of dismantling the country and selling it for parts. In an effort to solicit some sweet democracy from the Senate, Colin Bishopp and a group of friends started a successful GoFundMe in support of sending a bakery sheet cake to each of 53 Republican Senators, asking them to let former national security adviser John Bolton testify before Senate.
“A bipartisan group of friends were having a conversation about how noisy and dishonest the conversation in Washington has become,” said Carina Koldony, who hand delivered the cakes. “We tried to come up with an example of something that everyone likes, something that every Senator would have to agree is fundamentally good. All we could come up with is cake. Everyone loves cake! We figured that if Republican Senators are going to ignore the facts being delivered to them by every other medium, why not try to reach them with cake?”
Bolton’s testimony is germane to the claims for which Trump is on trial, specifically threats to withhold military aid to Ukraine unless President Volodymyr Zelensky initiated an investigation into Hunter Biden, son of former Vice President Joe Biden, who continues in his bid to be the nominee for the Democrats in the upcoming election. Bolton’s forthcoming book, The Room Where It Happened: A White House Memoir, is expected to go on sale on March 17, and contains evidence to puncture the President’s defense in these charges. The White House has moved to bar publication of Bolton’s book, citing security concerns — ironic considering the utterly unhinged and unfettered nature of, say, Trump’s Twitter feed and its terrifying and inarguable impact on geopolitics and economics. But don’t worry, these cakes are going to fix everything!
Created by Brooklyn bakery Butter & Scotch, each cake bears a different, often punny, message in support of due process and allowing Bolton to testify.
“We knew Butter & Scotch was a business that not only makes delicious cakes but is also willing to stick their neck out for things they believe in — they were the obvious choice,” said Koldony.
As reported by GrubStreet, messages include: “Don’t Dessert Democracy,” “You’re in the Room Where It Happens,” “This Trial Is Half-Baked Without Witnesses,” and “This Is History in the Baking” — each followed by the statement, “Let Bolton Testify.” The bakery reported via Instagram that Ted Cruz turned down his cake, because apparently he hates empty carbs as much as he hates justice, but many, many more cakes have been deployed, and surely some of them are finding their ways into the staff rooms of Senate. Let’s hope that the way to a Republican’s conscience is through their stomach — this may be one of the final opportunities for Republicans to eat cake, before their “let them eat cake” attitude pushes the American people too far.
“What we’d like to ask each Republican Senator to do is step outside of the DC echo chamber for a minute, have a piece of cake, and remember what’s good,” said Koldony. “Checks and balances are good. Fair trials are good. Cake is good. Our nation’s forebears knew these things, and each Republican Senator ought to know them too. The Republicans who refused to receive a cake yesterday seem to need a reminder.”